Can We Talk? The Surprising Loneliness of Money
Money is everywhere—yet when it comes to genuinely talking about it, it often feels like the loneliest topic in the world. Even with close friends or family, conversations about finances can feel awkward, emotionally loaded, or downright taboo. Why is something so central to our lives also so challenging to discuss openly?
Part of the issue is cultural: we’re often taught that talking about money is impolite or inappropriate. This creates a sense of isolation, leading us to think we’re the only ones struggling with financial uncertainty, stress, or difficult decisions. But in reality, everyone deals with money—and more often than not, they share similar fears, doubts, and questions. Still, money often feels like that uncomfortable elephant in the room—the one we all see but pretend isn’t there. And let’s face it, an elephant in the room is awkward enough without it reminding you of your student loans or credit card bills.
Why Money Conversations Feel So Difficult
Money isn't just numbers in an account; it’s deeply tied to our emotions, values, and sense of self-worth. Financial decisions can trigger feelings of shame, fear, inadequacy, or comparison. Sharing these feelings means becoming vulnerable, and that's rarely easy—even with people we trust.
Consider how often, if ever, you might hesitate before asking friends about salaries, debt, or even budgeting strategies. We worry we might be judged for making too little, spending too much, or simply "not having it figured out." This hesitation leads to silence, reinforcing our isolation and amplifying anxiety around financial decisions. As Brendan Frazier puts it in the latest episode of his podcast The Human Side of Money: “Most people won't even talk about money with anybody else in their life. We avoid it… We know we'd rather talk about death, sex and politics.”
Breaking the Silence
If you’ve ever felt alone in your financial journey, you’re definitely not alone. What could be some approachable ways to begin breaking down these barriers?
Start Small and Safe: Begin with general topics, like budgeting tips, strategies for managing common expenses, or resources that have helped you. You could mention something like, “Hey, have you tried that budgeting app everyone’s talking about?” (Either YNAB or Monarch Money come to mind.) Gradually build comfort discussing more personal topics as trust grows.
Normalize Money Talk: Practice mentioning money-related topics casually. For example, sharing openly about a financial podcast you like—there are so many to choose from—can signal to friends that you’re open to talking about finances without pressure. ChooseFI or Catching up to FI have been my go to for a long time.
Listen Without Judgment: When friends or family share their financial concerns, listen empathetically. Being supportive and non-judgmental encourages deeper, more meaningful conversations over time. Plus, you never know when someone else's financial bloopers might make your own seem not so bad.
Find Your Community: Online groups, local workshops, or even book clubs around financial wellness can offer a space where talking about money feels natural and encouraged. Online communities like the Financial Independence subreddit can offer support and camaraderie without the pressure of face-to-face awkwardness.
The Power of Vulnerability
Admitting you don't have all the answers can feel scary—but it's incredibly freeing. It gives others permission to open up, too. You'll likely discover that you're far from alone in your struggles or confusion. In fact, your seemingly savvy friend who always talks about investments might secretly be Googling "what is an ETF?" every night.
Sharing personal stories, even lightly, about your own financial learning curves can transform conversations. Maybe you jokingly confess to a habit of late-night impulse shopping on Amazon (we've all been there!), or talk about how you hate budgeting and all your budgeting attempts were a total fiasco. Humor is a wonderful tool for making challenging topics more approachable.
Thinking Out Loud: A Different Kind of Conversation
Sometimes, all it takes to lift the burden of financial uncertainty is having someone you trust to think things through with—someone who doesn’t judge or push their own agenda. This could be a friend who's a great listener, a family member who’s been there before, or maybe someone whose job is literally to help you explore possibilities without strings attached.
I’ve found that when people simply have space to voice their questions and concerns openly, the answers often become clearer on their own. It’s not about getting a prescriptive "do this, not that" directive. Instead, it's about feeling heard and understood—and realizing you're not alone in navigating life's financial puzzles.
If you decide you want professional input, there are resources out there that offer objective, pressure-free conversations about money. It can be a financial planner or a financial coach. The goal isn’t to have someone else dictate your path, but to gain clarity so you can confidently map out your own next steps.
Because the truth is, the less alone you feel in dealing with money, the less intimidating it becomes. And who knows? The next time money comes up when you get together with friends, you might find yourself feeling a little more comfortable—even if you’re still tempted to change the topic to something easier, like politics or sex.
Practical Steps for Easier Conversations
Still unsure how to dive into financial conversations? Here are a few additional practical tips:
Set clear boundaries: Let people know you’re open to talking about general strategies or tips, rather than specific numbers. That boundary alone can ease tension significantly.
Focus on goals, not just numbers: Discuss what you’re trying to achieve (e.g., buying a house, saving for a vacation) rather than exact dollar amounts.
Choose the right moment: Financial talk tends to go better over coffee or a glass of wine rather than at holiday dinners or birthdays—timing really is everything.
You’re Not Alone (Really!)
It’s completely normal to feel uneasy discussing your financial life. But breaking that silence, even slowly, can ease the emotional weight and loneliness often associated with money. Whether through trusted friendships, supportive communities, or thoughtful financial professionals, opening the door to conversation can transform how you experience money in your life.
Money might always be a tricky topic, but that doesn’t mean it has to remain a lonely one. Next time you find yourself avoiding a financial discussion, remember: your friend or family member might be just as relieved as you are to finally talk about it.
After all, money may feel lonely—but you definitely don't have to face it alone.
P.S. Introducing Creatives & Money Conversations, a free monthly Ask Me Anything session, focused on creative professionals. One of the main goals of these sessions is to create a comfortable, safe space for people to have those money conversations they normally would be hesitant to have. Learn more and I hope you can join!
The information shared in this article is intended only to provide general financial education, for informational purposes only. The information and opinions within should not be regarded as objective facts. The publisher cannot guarantee that content is accurate and updated to reflect changes in legislation, financial data, or opinion.
This content does not provide financial, tax, legal, or any professional advice. Personal financial decisions should not be implemented based on the content of this site. Do not act upon any information without first consulting a licensed investment, tax, or legal professional.
Igor Aronov, the publisher of this content, is a registered investment adviser representative and owner of FAR Financial Inc.